One recent March morning I awakened to the sound of my own snoring. I tried to spring from bed as I usually do but my spring had sprung. As I got out of bed it sounded like my body had a rhythm of its own. My knees creaked, my shoulders popped and a hearty, loud, robust sound known as flatulence filled the room. I grunted and moaned, “Oh me” as I struggle to get into an upright position.
As I went through my morning routine I notice a few wrinkles, four gray hairs and my once taut bosom had fallen to my knees. I put my on hair unit – I couldn’t pin it because of the arthritis in my fingers. I wrapped my lime green boa around my aching shoulders and avoided the 6 inch heels because of my tendonitis, bunions and athletes foot.
When I reached the kitchen, Black, the black and white kitty, greeted me with a meow and a look that said, “You look old.” As I unlocked the door (it took two tries because of the pain in my wrists) Black rushed in front of me and gave me another look that said, “Hurry up!!” Once I opened the door she ran past me like she was in the hundred yard dash. I stood on the back porch as the warmth of the sun kissed my skin and the gentle breeze tickled the backs of my ears and surveyed the blooming flowers and chatting birds above. When I turned toward the driveway I saw green. LIME GREEN. A large piece of lime green poster board was attached to the windshield of the truck. Three balloons, which were attached to the poster board, moved gracefully in the gentle wind.
I hobbled toward the truck. It took me longer than usual because of the one foot I had in the grave. When I reached the truck I realized that it was a large, lime green sign announcing to the neighbors, local missionaries and drunks that I was now– Oh, I can’t even say it.
I gasped as I read the sign a second time. KATRINA is the BIG 40!! I laughed a laugh that quickly turned into a coughing episode. When it was done I realized two things. 1. My hair unit was lying in the cats’ water bowl and 2. I had even started smelling differently. It was a putrid smell. A mixture of stink and stank assailed my nostrils. I looked down and noticed the smell was coming from a large brown dab of what I would like to think was dirt on the side of my left shoe. I started to pick up a stick and scrape it off but I abandoned that I idea because I could bend and not be able to straighten or I could break a bone or loose my balance. So I took my sign and hobbled back to the house where I spent the rest of the day thumbing through nursing home brochures, selecting a wrinkle cream custom designed to meet the needs of my wrinkles, choosing a heartburn medication, black dye for my hair, removing all of the cute clothes out of my closet and being fitted for my medic alert bracelet. I also had appointments for a tummy tuck, butt ad chest lift, a colonoscopy and I met with the girls for a spirited game of go fish and a warm glass of milk.
I had a ball writing this piece. Though I had a wonderful 40th birthday I had a few low moments I did have a great day of SHOPPING, lunch and a wonderful dinner!! A special thanks to my sister Latoya for the Birthday Sign. LOL!! Also, thank you all for the many presents and well wishes. I am so blessed to have so many loving and kind friends!!