As I sit at my computer listening to the birds chattering outside, my stomach is in knots. My palms are sweaty. This is a normal reaction for me when I have to do something like this. I would like to thank everyone for all of your support of me as a writer, actress, friend, performer and everything else in between but regrettably, I’ve decided that I just can’t do this any more. Unfortunately I am physically, mentally and financially unable to continue to be a boa flouncer any longer. The pain involved in being a boa flouncer – tendonitis, bursitis, flatulence, athletes foot and indigestion- have become just too much for me to handle.
The mental agony of dealing with my secret is eating me up inside. Each day I loose a part of me because of this secret, this lie. I can’t sleep. I’m always looking over my shoulder. I haven’t been able to have normal meal months. That’s why last night as I was finishing a 32 ounce pineapple milkshake, 5 bean burritos and a healthy helping of black bean chili, I decided I needed to just let it all out. There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it. I’m allergic to feathers.
Financially this life style is way to draining. In addition to purchasing the boas, hair units, heals and feather allergy medication I have been sued. The last guy that sued me claimed to be injured by one of my boa flouncing routines. Then there was that group of nuns who accused me of being a wolf in sheep’s clothing when I taught my Sinners, the Center of the Church workshop. And or course there was the time, six months ago, when I tripped over the boa and fell off the stage. I injured two photographers, a waitress, two couples in the front row and one large tilapia, pan seared in its own juices and served atop a mound of garlic mash potatoes.
I could go on but you get the picture. No more boa flouncing for me. Nope. From now on I will be content with oversized t-shirts, blue jeans and high top sneakers with grass stains and knotted laces. I will lead a quiet life of muted colors, soft tones and bland food.